You might be working so hard for a breakthrough that you push it away. I’m convinced that some breakthroughs are missed because we have the wrong expectations. A breakthrough doesn’t arrive on schedule.… Continue reading →
You might be working so hard for a breakthrough that you push it away. I’m convinced that some breakthroughs are missed because we have the wrong expectations. A breakthrough doesn’t arrive on schedule.… Continue reading →
So many women in today’s workplace have extraordinary skill, intelligence, ambition, creativity, determination, and good cheer. They are valedictorians and graduates with top grades from competitive schools. They have overcome adversity. They ha…
The ability to innovate is the greatest differentiator in business today. There are many different ways a company can innovate, whether that’s developing new products, uncovering more efficient market channels, optimizing cost or acquiring new c…
The mentor experience has changed throughout the last few years, but especially over the course of the pandemic. Given the Great Resignation, employees are reclaiming their power, advocating for themselves, and seeking a better work experience.
This be…
Whether you love the process of building a professional network or would rather have a root canal than go to another networking event, the value of your network remains the same. The contacts and relationships you’ve collected and built over the course of your career can help you find opportunities, make sales, improve your skills, and even foster friendships.
But the pandemic has had an impact on our networks. A study published in the January 2021 issue of Socius: Sociological Research for a Dynamic World, found that our social and professional networks shrunk by roughly 16% during the pandemic. That’s about 200 people, the researchers say.
In addition to attrition, neglected networks may also develop other shortcomings. You may not be connected to up-and-coming professionals. Your network may lack diversity in all of its forms, and valued relationships may become weaker. Regardless, it’s time to be more purposeful about your network. Try these steps:
Think about the state of your network
Ask yourself how you’ve been keeping in contact with your professional contacts and colleagues, especially in the age of social distancing, says networking expert Jake Kelfer, author of Elevate Your Network: 25 Keys to Building Extraordinary Relationships in Life and Business. Think about whether you’ve been growing your network, which he defines as adding to the number of contacts you have, or developing your network, which is strengthening the relationships you have. Have you been keeping in contact with your contacts? If not, it’s time to carve out some time each week to begin reviving those relationships, he says.
Look for the gaps
Identifying gaps in your network starts by thinking about the actions you may need to take—from looking for a new assistant to finding a new job—and identifying who in your network might be able to help, Kelfer says.
“If we are looking to transition jobs; if we are looking to invite someone to a dinner; if we are looking to attend a conference, and we don’t have people that we can readily call up to meet that we can readily access, we have to act,” he says. “So, the way we identify the gap is we’re going to understand that there is nobody in our direct line of work that can help us achieve the result we’re looking for,” Kelfer says.
Think about your “power partners”
As you’re examining your network, think about the people who deliver value to you—the ones who are always helpful, refer business, or consistently provide some other benefit, says Kim Marie Branch-Pettid, owner and CEO of LeTip International, an international networking group. “A lot of people think that a power partner would be someone in the same industry or similar industry that could give you business back and forth,” she says. That’s not necessarily true. She points to her own experience as an estate planner.
“I needed an estate planning attorney, I needed a business attorney, I needed so many different things, including a courier service. Those are all people I could give business to, or could give me business back.” Think about the well-connected people you know and those that are already helping you, and focus on developing more of those relationships.
Cultivate diversity
Often, people find that their networks are filled with people who are just like them. But connecting with people who have different experiences, voices, and backgrounds will make your network stronger. This is a good reason to forge deeper relationships with your existing network, says Devora Zack, founder of leadership training firm, Only Connect Consulting, and author of Networking for People Who Hate Networking (Second Edition). “When you truly get to know people, you find out more about their experiences,” she says.
But also be clear about what you want and why. Zack says that too many people hedge when it comes to stating why they want to network, whether it’s asking for help finding a job or tapping someone’s expertise. “How can I help you get what you want if you aren’t clear?” she says. For example, you may want to meet more Black women or people with disabilities so you can refer business to underserved groups or recommend these professionals for job openings.
Be willing to ask for assistance if you find gaps you can’t fill, Branch-Pettid says. If you’re interested in meeting more junior-level people, reach out to younger colleagues or your college alumni association. If you’re interested in cultivating more racially diverse contacts, go to diversity-focused events in your industry or reach out to groups that serve the audiences with whom you want to connect.
Choose the best tactics for you
As more groups go back to in-person events, there are new opportunities to network. Some organizations are still hosting virtual events. And, of course, you can network without events. How you proceed should be determined by your own comfort level, Zack says. “But it’s great to network in a forum that is inherently interesting and meaningful to you,” she says. You’ll be more engaging and also have a chance to show yourself at your best because you’re interested, as opposed to dreading ‘speed dating networking,’” she says.
Kelfer uses tactics like texting his appreciation to members of his network on a regular basis. Go into your text or email messages and choose a letter. Then send a short text or email message to the first five people who crop up. “Just say something super simple to them, like ‘hey, just wanting to check in, what’s new in your world? What are you most excited about these days?’” he says. It doesn’t have to be long or involved, but this gives you the opportunity to restart a conversation, even if you’ve lost touch.
Doing some repair work on your network now and strengthening your network can help you have exactly the right contacts when you need them, Kelfer says.
It’s easy to encourage and cheer on others—especially those you love. Doing the same for yourself, however, can feel like a struggle. Do it anyway, urges Mel Robbins, author of The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit. She suggests starting your day by giving yourself a high five in the mirror. If it sounds and feels weird, your resistance may be stemming from one of two things.
“You may have spent a lifetime in the mirror criticizing or ignoring yourself,” says Robbins. “What you bring to the moment is regret, judgment, shame, and thoughts of who you were in the past that you don’t like. You may not feel like somebody worthy of celebration and support.”
The second reason the thought of giving yourself a high five feels awkward is that you’re somebody who believes worth is determine by what you accomplish—a common feeling for overachievers.
“Overachievers harp on shit that’s not going right, and you may not feel you deserve it in the moment,” says Robbins. “Maybe you’re chasing the next thing. If you aren’t actively accomplishing something, you may not feel worthy of being celebrated right now.”
Put aside those reasons and consider that the most important relationship you have is with yourself, says Robbins, and becoming your own cheerleader helps you in your relationships with others.
“If you’re insecure with yourself, you’ll be insecure with other people,” she says. “If you’re judgmental of yourself, you’ll fear the judgment of others. Build a new partnership with yourself by simply adding a high five in the mirror to your morning routine and you can bring that self to others.”
Stumbling on the power of the high five
Robbins discovered the power of the high five when she was at a low point in her life—facing bankruptcy, a failing marriage, and unemployment. Standing in her bathroom mirror one morning, she started picking apart her reflection, focusing on the things she didn’t like about herself. She felt completely overwhelmed and wanted to escape the things that were troubling her.
“I realized that no one was going to swoop in and fix my problems,” she says. “It had been a hell of a few months of nonstop stress. I’d been so busy taking care of everyone and everything else.”
She says she doesn’t know what came over her or why she did it, but she lifted her hand to her reflection and gave herself a high five.
“I was saying, ‘Come on, Mel. You’ve got this,’” she says. “If you can wake up and drag your ass out of bed and to the mirror, you deserve a high five. Look for what’s going right in your life and leverage small wins to create momentum and resilience.”
Robbins continued her high five morning ritual. On the third day, she looked forward to seeing herself. “I know it’s weird, but it’s the truth,” she says. “It felt like I was about to see a friend.”
Why the high five works
The impact of the high five is rooted in science. In a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers looked for the best way to motivate students during a challenging situation, such as taking an exam. Dividing a class into three groups, the first was given verbal praise about their own traits, such as “You did well because you’re smart.” The second group was praised on their efforts, such as “You did well because you worked so hard.” And the third group was simply given a high five.
The students were asked to evaluate their performance. Both groups that had verbal feedback ranked themselves significantly lower than the group that received the high five.
“That’s because the high five gesture has had a lifetime of programming into your brain as being positive,” says Robbins. “Without saying anything, a high five sends the message, ‘I believe in you. I see you. You got this.’”
The gesture also helps you rewire how you think about yourself. Lawrence Katz, the late neurobiologist at Duke University Medical Center, found that exercises designed to keep your brain active and learning, which he dubbed “neurobics,” help your brain create new pathways and connections. High fiving yourself is a neurobic exercise: a routine activity (such as looking at yourself in the mirror) paired with something unexpected that involves your senses (like giving yourself a high five) elicits an emotion (like celebrating).
Instead of seeking the validation and support you need outside of yourself (like getting a certain number of likes on your social media posts), you can develop a new habit of finding the courage and confidence to empower yourself wherever you are, says Robbins.
“Feeling supported and loved is the most motivating force on the planet,” she says, comparing the feeling to a marathon runner getting a high five from a spectator. “What keeps them going is knowing they’re being celebrated and cheered for. It affirms and fulfills our deepest need, which is to be seen, heard, and celebrated. A high five is a transfer of energy. When times get hard, developing habits of celebrating and cheering for yourself can be huge. It’s impossible to think ‘I suck’ when you give one to yourself.”
It’s easy to encourage and cheer on others—especially those you love. Doing the same for yourself, however, can feel like a struggle. Do it anyway, urges Mel Robbins, author of The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit. She suggests starting your day by giving yourself a high five in the mirror. If it sounds and feels weird, your resistance may be stemming from one of two things.
“You may have spent a lifetime in the mirror criticizing or ignoring yourself,” says Robbins. “What you bring to the moment is regret, judgment, shame, and thoughts of who you were in the past that you don’t like. You may not feel like somebody worthy of celebration and support.”
The second reason the thought of giving yourself a high five feels awkward is that you’re somebody who believes worth is determine by what you accomplish—a common feeling for overachievers.
“Overachievers harp on shit that’s not going right, and you may not feel you deserve it in the moment,” says Robbins. “Maybe you’re chasing the next thing. If you aren’t actively accomplishing something, you may not feel worthy of being celebrated right now.”
Put aside those reasons and consider that the most important relationship you have is with yourself, says Robbins, and becoming your own cheerleader helps you in your relationships with others.
“If you’re insecure with yourself, you’ll be insecure with other people,” she says. “If you’re judgmental of yourself, you’ll fear the judgment of others. Build a new partnership with yourself by simply adding a high five in the mirror to your morning routine and you can bring that self to others.”
Stumbling on the power of the high five
Robbins discovered the power of the high five when she was at a low point in her life—facing bankruptcy, a failing marriage, and unemployment. Standing in her bathroom mirror one morning, she started picking apart her reflection, focusing on the things she didn’t like about herself. She felt completely overwhelmed and wanted to escape the things that were troubling her.
“I realized that no one was going to swoop in and fix my problems,” she says. “It had been a hell of a few months of nonstop stress. I’d been so busy taking care of everyone and everything else.”
She says she doesn’t know what came over her or why she did it, but she lifted her hand to her reflection and gave herself a high five.
“I was saying, ‘Come on, Mel. You’ve got this,’” she says. “If you can wake up and drag your ass out of bed and to the mirror, you deserve a high five. Look for what’s going right in your life and leverage small wins to create momentum and resilience.”
Robbins continued her high five morning ritual. On the third day, she looked forward to seeing herself. “I know it’s weird, but it’s the truth,” she says. “It felt like I was about to see a friend.”
Why the high five works
The impact of the high five is rooted in science. In a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers looked for the best way to motivate students during a challenging situation, such as taking an exam. Dividing a class into three groups, the first was given verbal praise about their own traits, such as “You did well because you’re smart.” The second group was praised on their efforts, such as “You did well because you worked so hard.” And the third group was simply given a high five.
The students were asked to evaluate their performance. Both groups that had verbal feedback ranked themselves significantly lower than the group that received the high five.
“That’s because the high five gesture has had a lifetime of programming into your brain as being positive,” says Robbins. “Without saying anything, a high five sends the message, ‘I believe in you. I see you. You got this.’”
The gesture also helps you rewire how you think about yourself. Lawrence Katz, the late neurobiologist at Duke University Medical Center, found that exercises designed to keep your brain active and learning, which he dubbed “neurobics,” help your brain create new pathways and connections. High fiving yourself is a neurobic exercise: a routine activity (such as looking at yourself in the mirror) paired with something unexpected that involves your senses (like giving yourself a high five) elicits an emotion (like celebrating).
Instead of seeking the validation and support you need outside of yourself (like getting a certain number of likes on your social media posts), you can develop a new habit of finding the courage and confidence to empower yourself wherever you are, says Robbins.
“Feeling supported and loved is the most motivating force on the planet,” she says, comparing the feeling to a marathon runner getting a high five from a spectator. “What keeps them going is knowing they’re being celebrated and cheered for. It affirms and fulfills our deepest need, which is to be seen, heard, and celebrated. A high five is a transfer of energy. When times get hard, developing habits of celebrating and cheering for yourself can be huge. It’s impossible to think ‘I suck’ when you give one to yourself.”
For a fleeting moment this summer, declining rates of COVID-19 coupled with a heartening vaccine rollout provided a much-needed hope for a return to normalcy this fall. Employers, from Amazon to Ford, announced return-to-work dates, and the Department …
The most powerful machine in the world is not one created by engineers or software designers leveraging technology, artificial intelligence or machine learning. In fact, we all have access to this machine, and it’s hidden (literally) right behin…
