I have a brain tumor. The good news is that it’s benign. The bad news is that I need surgery to remove it.
Brain surgery typically involves a lengthy recovery period. Six weeks, at a minimum. On top of navigating the emotions that come with such a diagnosis, I’ve had to figure out what work will look like as I recover. More specifically: how I will manage not working for such a long period of time.
This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced a major life event in my career (unfortunately). The Extreme Planner in me immediately started to figure out the logistics.
If you’re going through something similar, I feel you. If you’ve never faced a significant medical challenge, I hope it stays that way. But I write this so that if you ever need it, you can return to this article. And I write this so if you need to support someone going through a medical challenge, you know where to start.
Talking with your boss or team
Telling other people about a medical diagnosis is deeply personal. There’s no right or wrong time.
I’m self-employed, so I talked with my clients as soon as I had more definitive information (a surgery date). For 10 agonizing days, I knew that I had a brain tumor and my clients didn’t. I somehow fumbled my way through deadlines and normal client communications as though nothing was wrong.
But for me it made sense to talk about my diagnosis as soon as possible. My clients could start to plan for my absence. Plus, I have a lot of doctor’s appointments leading up to the surgery date that I need to work around.
When I previously had a medical issue in 2017, I told only my boss and one or two close colleagues. I didn’t want to talk about it. It was strictly a “need-to-know” basis.
Bottom line: Do what feels right for you.
Navigating the pressures of working
Living with a brain tumor is Not Fun. There are a lot of unknowns around the outcome of surgery. The same is true for many medical conditions: Fear, pain, or both may impact your life daily.
One benefit of telling your boss or team is that hopefully they’re compassionate. They’ll lighten your workload or understand if you have to rearrange deadlines.
But you’re likely also facing financial pressure. With most companies having limits on paid sick time, you probably feel like you have to keep working until the point when you can’t anymore. I certainly feel that pressure—even guilt—as I think about the gap in my family’s income as I recover.
I finally decided to take a break between my last working day and my surgery date. During that time, I’m going to take my family to a show in Chicago and maybe get a pedicure. I have a special lunch date planned with my husband.
If you’re facing a potentially life-altering surgery or other procedure, don’t spend your last few days “before” working. Enjoy the time as best you can.
How to ask for support
Here’s the thing about telling people that you’re experiencing a major medical issue: People want to help. They’ll ask you if there’s anything they can do, because they know you’re going through something rough.
When I first told people about my brain tumor, they told me to let them know if there was anything they could do. For a long time, I said, “I’ll let you know.” I couldn’t think of anything, because my mind was still reeling from the shock of the diagnosis.
But then I started to ask for help with specific things. I thought about the people in my life, and how their skills might help keep my business running while I can’t work. I circled back with some people who had offered support and said, “Can you do XYZ for me?”
If you work for a company, you can do the same thing. Make a list of the things that would truly make your workday easier so you’re ready anytime someone asks, “How can I help?”
How to provide support
If you’re on the other side and a colleague or professional contact is going through something hard, offer specific ways you can help. So many people (like me) are overwhelmed and don’t know how to reply when someone offers support. Say, “Can I take ABC off your plate? Or XYZ?” rather than “Let me know if there’s anything you need!” It reduces the mental load of the person you’re trying to help.
Check in again, even after weeks or months have passed. The person’s needs may change. Significant medical issues can be long-lasting. People are eager to offer help at the beginning, but that fades over time—especially at work, where it’s easy to be removed from people’s personal lives.
Be the person who continues to show up, saying, “How can I help?” Or simply, “How are you feeling? Do you want to talk? I’m here to listen.”
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