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The human resources department has evolved from simply handling hiring, payroll and benefits, to developing employee-centric programs that help keep people happily employed. Still responsible for hiring, payroll, and benefits, today’s HR pros also plan team building, wellness, learning and development, and employee engagement programs. But
While HR is doing new things, investing in employees’ wellbeing, ultimately that’s not their job, says Laurie Ruettimann, author of Betting On You: How to Put Yourself First and (Finally) Take Control of Your Career.
“Any positive effect of progressive HR policies is great, but the only reason HR exists to make sure there are no employment lawsuits,” she says. “HR is not there to be your advocate; they’re there to mitigate risk and protect the leadership team from being personally and professionally sued. I think we need to have an honest conversation about their function.”
If you want a better career and a better life, the secret is to stop looking for other people to solve your problems and reclaim the power that people think sits in human resources, says Ruettimann. And she advocates being your own HR department by playing a bigger role in the tasks they normally handle.
Start with the Hiring Process
Ruettimann encourages employees to start at the beginning when you’re looking for work.
“We often look to recruiters and human resources to interview us and pretend we don’t have any power,” she says. “We feel like victims of the applicant tracking system. There’s a way to look for work that is mature and emotionally regulated and puts you closer to the center of control.”
While Ruettimann admits candidates can’t control hiring decisions, they can and should become better educated about what an organization has to offer so they can choose employers that are better aligned with their career goals.
“Go old school and get sleuth-y on LinkedIn,” she says. Find people who work there (or used to work there) and and ask good questions. “Make sure you’re making the best decision you can possibly make. The more you can assert your autonomy and find out if the organization is committed to the values that you like, the better.”
Onboard Yourself
Once you have accepted a job offer, the next step is to play an active role in your onboarding. “Often, new hires don’t think about their own onboarding,” says Ruettimann. “They show up and their passwords aren’t ready, and everybody blames HR. But you don’t have to wait for your HR department to send you a packet of paperwork.”
Once you’ve been hired, Ruettimann recommends not waiting someone else to tell you when your first day is going to be. “You can have an opinion on those things,” she says. “For example, you could suggest that you want your first day to be a Tuesday because Mondays aren’t good for anybody.”
Ruettimann also recommends learning about your team before you show up, so you’re fully educated on your coworkers from day one. In addition, research how the organization is performing and what its weaknesses are.
“You can even ask your boss in advance, ‘What are the top three things you need me to do in the first 30 days?’” says Ruettimann. “Or ask, ‘Is there someone I can proactively talk to so I can hit the ground running?’ You can come in fully prepared to take on the world.”
Ruettimann also suggests setting up Google Alerts about your new employer, so you stay on top of company news, the CEO, and your boss.
“Be a journalist of your own life and of your own employment experience,” she says. “Keep an eye out for opportunities to talk with your new team about hot-button issues, challenges, and industry stories. There’s no reason why you can’t know the ins and outs of your organization.”
Plan Your Own Learning and Development
Another way you can be your own HR is by taking control over your career trajectory. “One of the earliest conversations you should have with your boss is to say, ‘Let’s talk about learning and development. What do you think I need to know in the next 30, 60, and 90 days? I actually have some opinions on that, too. And I’d like to talk about that.’”
“Have an educated perspective on how you can learn and grow because if you’re learning, you’re growing, and if you’re growing, you’re thriving, and that’s what life is all about,” says Ruettimann. “Take that on as your action item and don’t wait for an HR business partner to give you a plan.”
Take Accountability for Your Own Career
Ruettimann says she appreciates the progressive people practices that HR departments are creating, but they can create an attachment to the organization that can be unhealthy. Instead, practice “professional detachments.”
“It’s the art and science of treating your coworkers and your boss like clients,” she explains. “When you join an organization, you’ll be emotionally regulated, so you don’t think it’s your family.”
For example, if you have a coworker whose vibe doesn’t mesh with yours, thinking of them as a client would lead you to find a healthy compromise or a productive solution, instead of having conflicts that could lead you to involving HR.
“Professionals detachment allows you to solve some of those own early level conflicts, so you don’t actually have to run to HR,” says Ruettimann.
Being your own HR leader is the best way to fix work because it takes power away from a bureaucratic department and places it in your own hands, says Ruettimann.
“I think we can create our own progressive people practices as workers,” she says. “When we outsource this to this nefarious weird function in human resources, it becomes dysfunctional.”
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It’s hard to say “no” to work requests because we are pro-social creatures, says Deborah Grayson Riegel, coauthor of Go to Help: 31 Strategies to Offer, Ask For, and Accept Help.”We have been wired since the beginning of humanity to want to work together for the protection of the community,” she says.
In addition to being pro-social and wanting to help each other, we also have a reciprocity bias. “If you do something for me, I want to do something for you, and vice versa,” says Grayson Riegel. “Saying ‘no’ to a request for help interferes with what we think of as being helpful, friendly, and cooperative.”
We may also fear reputational and relationship costs associated with turning something down, asking ourselves questions like, “Will turning something down show up negatively on my performance review?” or, “Will I be seen as somebody who isn’t a team player?” or, “If I say ‘no’ to this, will they ask someone else when they have a more exciting or high-profile project next time?”
And working remotely can also make it hard to “no.” “There is a loss of visibility when you’re not in physical proximity,” says Grayson Riegel. “I think saying ‘no’ to things can feel harder because we are missing some of the relational connectivity that we get from running into somebody in the hallway or grabbing lunch together.”
Why you need to say “no”
While there are plenty of reasons we resist saying “no,” there are just as many reasons to stop saying “yes,” says Grayson Riegel.
Most important, if you don’t turn things down, you are likely to get overwhelmed. And the truth is that saying “no” won’t mean your job will disappear and your reputation will be tarnished. In fact, saying “yes” to everything sets a precedent where people see us as always available and always willing. And that can backfire.
“When you don’t realize you have too much stuff on your mind or too many things on your plate, you’re much more likely to make mistakes,” says Grayson Riegel. “And that leads to the very kind of reputational damage we fear saying ‘no’ would cause us to be engaged in.”
Deciding to say “yes” or “no” to a request should come from a relationship and career perspective, she says.
“Women in particular are asked more frequently and tend to say, ‘yes’ more often to what are known as non-promotable tasks,” she says. “It’s following up on birthdays, getting the cake, setting up the meeting minutes. These are all things that do not have a positive impact on a woman’s career growth.”
How to start saying “no”
Like any change you make to behavior, it helps to start small with requests that don’t impact your career trajectory. For example, if a colleague asks if you could quickly proofread for something for them and you don’t have the bandwidth to add something else to your plate, it would be easier to say “no” to this request as opposed to a request from your boss.
“It’s something quick and it’s something that somebody else probably could do,” says Grayson Riegel. “Start with low hanging fruit that won’t have the same kind of reputational threat. Start with somebody who is likely to understand and be forgiving.”
Saying “no” to your boss is the next step. Grayson Riegel recommends having a conversation about it.
“Frame it in terms of, ‘I want to make sure that I’m focusing my time, energy, and attention on the most important strategic priorities for the quarter or year,” she says. “Make it more about wanting to say ‘yes’ to the more important things. And ask your manager, ‘Could you help me think through what those things should be?’ Then you’ll be in agreement on the right things to do.”
You can also get better at saying “no” by setting career goals. This will help you get clear about where you see your career going. Then you can measure whether the task is something on the pathway to getting there.
“Sometimes the pathways are internal to the organization, such as taking on new projects, and being exposed to certain people, education, and experience,” says Grayson Riegel. “If you don’t have a goal and haven’t had career conversations with your manager, it makes it hard to identify the important steps.”
While Grayson Riegel says saying “no” gets easier over time, you have to be clear when the request is a request and when it is a command. “A request is something to which you can say ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or make a counteroffer, by saying, ‘I can’t do this, but I can do that,’” she says. “If it’s actually a command, saying ‘no’ isn’t an option.”
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