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Listen to the latest episode of Fast Company’s Creative Conversation podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, RadioPublic, Google Podcasts, or Stitcher.
Early in Michael Jai White’s acting career, a powerful executive gave him a frank assessment.
“‘Wow, with your acting ability and your action ability and your looks and your body, man, you could be as big as Tom Cruise—too bad you’re Black,’” White recalls in the latest episode of Fast Company‘s podcast Creative Conversation. “He said it like he had no concern that there was anything wrong.”
Rather than bristle at the executive’s misguided comment, White internalized it as valuable insight into Hollywood’s top brass.
“He’s showing me how people think,” White says. “I’m grateful for any kind of truth coming from someone, even if I disagree with it.”
Throughout his 30-plus year career that includes Spawn, Black Dynamite, and Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married?, White has learned how to navigate being both overlooked and underestimated. It’s been either a racial roadblock to more mainstream audiences or being pigeonholed as that ripped guy in action movies and Tyler Perry projects.
“A comedian friend of mine called me Denzel Van SchwarzenHart,” says White of the portmanteau of Denzel Washington, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Kevin Hart. “It’s not strange that people don’t know how to categorize you. I accept that.”
“Feel free to categorize me until I break from that category,” he adds.
White has done just that by stepping into more directing and producing roles for projects that will now be housed under his Connecticut-based production company, Jaigantic Studios, which launched earlier this year.
“I always tell people it’s show business for a reason. It’s business,” White says. “Fortunately, I could never [turn] off my director and producer brain. I’ve always looked at things big-picture wise. I’ve also written for several years, even under pseudonyms.”
“I’ve worked for what I’ve accomplished,” White adds. “It’s a wonderful time for me right now, because I’m finally getting up to bat to do the things I really want to do.”
Check out highlights from White’s Creative Conversation episode below, and listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, RadioPublic, Google Podcasts, or Stitcher.
Thinking strategically
“For me to still keep standing, I had to go about it very strategically. I didn’t do martial-arts movies at first, even though I was offered and I still was winning championships. I was like, ‘No, I got to establish myself as a legitimate actor first.’ Here I am doing off-Broadway in New York, but as soon as you start doing action, people want to categorize you. They just want to keep you on this one shelf. That’s something I had to understand from the beginning and know how to navigate around it.”
Looking for honesty in creativity
“For me, [creativity is] searching for ultimate truth and honesty. That has to start with yourself. Sometimes, someone may not know what their motivations truly are and that’s going to reflect in your art. Yeah, somebody goes, ‘This is honest from [my] perspective. But how learned is that perspective?’”
Focusing on the bigger picture and bigger purpose
“I look at my growth as an entity in this industry. Honestly, if it was just about acting, I wouldn’t be in it. No, definitely not. If it was just acting, it would not have held my interest because it’s not a business that rewards talent. It rewards heat.
“I’d love to be that guy behind the scenes and making stuff happen that I think really matters. That’s what excites me. And putting people to work, especially people who can use it, and especially people who are from neighborhoods like mine and communities like mine who are amazingly talented and have no idea. I know without a doubt that this is my purpose. This is why I’ve been saved to do this—and that supersedes anything Hollywood.”
Instead of going fully remote, many companies are striking a balance by having employees in the office two to three days a week and at home the remainder. A study by PwC found that these hybrid arrangements are likely to become the norm. While you may have gotten accustomed to working fully remote, and you probably remember what it was like to work in the office full-time, being hybrid requires creating a new set of rules and boundaries, says Tanya Dalton, author of The Joy of Missing Out and the upcoming book On Purpose: The Busy Woman’s Guide to an Extraordinary Life of Meaning and Success.
“Most people are finding the hybrid model to be twice as stressful because it continues to blur the lines between work and home,” she says. “We can end up doing more and working more hours for the company than we previously did when we went into the office every day.”
Internal Boundaries
Start by establishing expectations with yourself. Dalton says the commute used to serve as a well-defined transition. Getting into the car or taking the train to work was a ritual that signified that you were going into work mode. And commuting home signified closing the door to the workday and shifting focus to your family. With a hybrid arrangement, you lose the separation a few days a week.
“You may have a Zoom call, throw in some laundry, then take another Zoom call, then take the dog for a walk,” says Dalton. “What happens is you lose track of how you’re spending your time and the intentionality around it.”
The challenge when you are working from home is to create boundaries for yourself by setting a schedule. “As workers, we rely on our manager or employer to set those boundaries for us,” says Dalton. “Amazingly, we forget that we have the ability to set them for ourselves, and we’ve forgotten we need to do that. It’s a matter of choosing and making an intention.”
If you have control over your working hours at home, Dalton says they don’t have to be same every week, and they don’t have to mirror those you keep in the office. Unless you’re obligated to attend remote meetings, your employer will likely allow you to work independently. If you haven’t had a conversation with your manager to confirm expectations, do that before starting your hybrid arrangement.
“Too often, we think we can’t create our own hours because we haven’t talked about it,” says Dalton. “Communication and conversation are often missing in the workplace. We often project what we think our employer expects without checking.”
For example, you could actively choose to work from 9 a.m. to noon, then take a two-hour break; then work from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. and take another two-hour break. Whatever you choose, understand that your hours will likely be fluid.
“Store hours don’t work,” says Dalton. “And rigid productivity hacks don’t work. They often shatter and break the first time there is a challenge. Being flexible makes you stronger. Map out whatever works for you. At its heart, productivity is making choices with intention.”
Have Daily Check-ins
Reflection on your boundaries is an important part of the process. Dalton recommends stopping and assessing the day with a five-minute check-in. “Ask yourself, ‘Did I put too much on my plate? How stressed do I feel? How am I feeling about what I accomplished?’” she says.
Rank your answers on a scale from 1 to 10. If you’re consistently giving yourself a 7 or below, Dalton says you need to make a change.
“Aim for more days at an 8, 9, or 10,” she says. “Happiness is at the heart of why we do what we do. Any goal or dream is an aspiration to be happier. By stopping to check in how you’re feeling happiness-wise, you can make micro adjustments that reduce stress.”
If you consistently feel like you’re doing too much, plan to sit down on Sunday or Monday and reflect on the week. How can you change or create new boundaries for the week ahead? Is the amount of days you work at the office enough? Too many? Ask yourself the same questions about the amount of time you spend working from home.
“Boundaries are not set it and forget it,” says Dalton. “It’s good to check in and figure out what will work that week. Reflection can make an amazing difference.”
Setting boundaries is a choice, says Dalton. “Be an active participant instead of sleepwalking through life,” she says. “You’ll be happier, and the people around you will be happier, when your needs are met.”
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I’ve always been an extrovert by nature and found it easy to talk to most people. I’ve kissed the Blarney Stone. I’m usually at ease in groups of people, even when I don’t know anyone.
But lately, that’s changed.
Venturing out into gatherings or into offices is anxiety-inducing. In-person exchanges are exhausting and filled with awkward pauses. I find myself saying the wrong thing, feeling at a loss for words, and generally being awkward in social situations. The easy conversational cadence that used to come naturally seems stuck in park.
I’m afraid I’ve become socially awkward.
Apparently, I’m not alone. A March 2021 survey by YouGov found that roughly two in five (39%) of Americans are very or fairly nervous about socializing again. But that’s okay, says social scientist Ty Tashiro, author of Awkward: The Science of Why We’re Socially Awkward and Why That’s Awesome. It’s natural for people to feel uncomfortable about socializing, especially if they’ve been mostly locked down or more isolated than normal for more than a year. “It’s highly unlikely that their social ability has atrophied. It’s still there,” he says. “I think what people are experiencing right now is just some uncertainty about how to engage in specific social situations.” And, fortunately, there are some things we can do to get our social game back.
Start with context
“Awkward moments are typically just deviations from small social expectations,” Tashiro says. For most of our lives, those expectations have been pretty consistent. For example, in the U.S., it’s customary to maintain about 18 inches of personal space from the person to whom you’re speaking. You may dress and interact a certain way. When we deviate from the norm, our brains may react in “an alarming way,” he says. “That’s why when we do something awkward, we feel that flood of emotion, we feel that our faces may blush, or hearts race.”
Now, however, many of those expectations have been turned on their heads. Personal space is now typically six feet. You may need to be wearing a mask, which can affect how easy it is to converse with someone else. People have varying expectations about social graces like handshakes vs. elbow bumps. We’re in the process of redefining our social expectations, so it’s understandable that many feel anxious or awkward, Tashiro says.
Control what you can
To help yourself feel more at ease, think through the situation you’re facing and try to anticipate the interactions or situations that are making you nervous, and try to prepare for them, Tashiro suggests. Are you worried about making small talk? Think about some topics you can have at the ready. Are you concerned about how to handle lunchtime? Make a plan with a coworker in advance so you can address each person’s comfort level with dining out and social distancing. “[Once] you’ve taken all the unknown out of a specific situation, that’ll make you feel more self-confident,” he says.
Practice
If you find yourself struggling with small talk and conversation, practice with the people with whom you interact every day. “Baristas, cashiers, waiters, and such. The people in these positions almost always appreciate someone trying to make their jobs less dull or difficult,” says social interaction specialist Patrick King. He suggests setting small goals: Achieve a 10-second interaction with them before firing off your order. (Obviously, read the room. Your barista probably doesn’t want to talk about the weather during the morning coffee rush.)
King warns that this might feel odd at first. “But you’ll start to get a sense for people’s reactions, your timing, your expressions, and what makes you feel comfortable in an interaction again. After a few practice runs, you can start to ramp up to 20-second interactions, and so on,” he says.
Beware of avoidance
One thing you don’t want to do is keep putting off getting back out in the world, says Alice Boyes, former clinical psychologist and author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit: Simple Strategies to Get Out of Your Own Way and Enjoy Your Life. “Avoidance increases anxiety, no matter what the reason for it,” she says. Your social skills may be a bit rusty, but you’ll likely find that they strengthen with use, just as an athlete gets stronger after coming back from an injury, she says.
Awkwardness can be bonding
Sometimes, those awkward moments can actually work in your favor, allowing you to show and share a moment of vulnerability with someone else, Tashiro says. “Having an awkward moment is almost never the end of the world,” he says. Many people are feeling the same way. And if there’s humor in the moment, too, it can actually be a bonding experience.
“One of the best things you can do when something is awkward is just to joke around with it a little bit,” he says. “Let’s say at dinner, you might say something like, ‘I guess awkward pauses are part of getting back into it.’” And people will likely react with a giggle, he adds, because it’s true.
Observe others
Is there someone you know whose social skills are still strong after pandemic lockdowns? Observe them, Tashiro says. “This is a tried-and-true trick for awkward kids. Actually, a lot of socially awkward kids are extremely observant of people who are more socially adept, or who feel more socially competent,” he says. So, take note of how your more confident colleague starts conversations or deals with missteps. You may pick up a tactic or two that helps you feel more at ease.
Get help if you need it
If your concern or anxiety is preventing you from getting back out into the world, the issue may be bigger than just jitters about social awkwardness. It might be a good idea to seek help from a mental health professional, Boyes suggests. “People wait an extraordinarily long time to get help for things. And [addressing mental health] doesn’t need to be intense. There’s research on single sessions and cognitive behavioral therapy being helpful,” she says. If you need to find providers, check with your health insurance company or employee assistance program to start.
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