Performance review season is in full swing, and you may get some constructive criticism. While constructive or negative feedback often isn’t easy to hear, getting better at receiving it is an essential part of career and professional development, says Andy Molinsky, professor of international management and organizational behavior at Brandeis University’s International Business School and author of Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge, and Build Confidence.
“Feedback is important as you craft your own style and come into your own as a professional,” he says. “Think of feedback as data. Sometimes it’s hard to hear if it’s a sensitive area, but if you can think of it as data, you can use it to improve.”
How you handle feedback reflects your emotional intelligence, says Talia Fox, CEO of the learning consulting firm KUSI Global and author of The Power of Conscious Connection: 4 Habits to Transform How You Live and Lead .
“We need skills to increase awareness of our triggers and manage our reactions,” she says. “Negative feedback can be triggering, especially if we believe the feedback is not accurate or fair. The intensity of these emotions can be a sign of how much of your self-worth is determined by your job or how others view you.”
Whether it’s in a formal review or a comment said in passing, you can improve your ability to receiving constructive criticism by considering these four practices.
1. Be an Active Listener
While feedback givers are often well-intentioned, sometimes things get lost in the communication and come out a little unclear. To make it easier to incorporate the information in the future, repeat the information and suggestions back to the person to make sure you understand and are on the same page.
“You want to actively understand what that person is saying,” says Molinsky. “Being an active listener means really paying attention to what the person says. It can be hard when you’re feeling vulnerable, but active listening enables you to get the most out of the feedback.”
Stay focused on the solution and ask for very specific details to avoid assumptions, adds Fox. For example, you can say, “I understand that you would like me to be more engaged in meetings. Can you describe what really good engagement looks like, so I can better understand how to improve.”
“Focus on understanding the feedback, not defending your approach,” says Fox.
2. Avoid the Urge to React
While feeling defensive is normal, Molinsky says you don’t want to act impulsively when you get feedback. “Instead, pause,” he says. “Responding in the moment is natural, but it’s also probably detrimental to ultimately using that feedback in a constructive way.”
In the moment, you’re most vulnerable and might feel strong emotions, such as anger, embarrassment, or anxiety. You might mentally check out of a situation or want to rectify the wrongs in your mind and fight back somehow, says Molinsky. “None of that is going to actually help you,” he says. “Make sense of the feedback and pick the pieces that can be useful for you.”
One way to calm the impulse is to reframe the annual review process as a snapshot in time, not a pronouncement on your worth or capabilities, says Mary C. Murphy, CEO of the Equity Accelerator and author of Cultures of Growth: How the New Science of Mindset Can Transform Individuals, Teams, and Organizations.
“It is a moment in time and there is room for growth and development,” she says. “Remember that most people don’t provide constructive feedback unless they believe in your ability to grow and improve; otherwise, they wouldn’t provide feedback at all.”
3. Evaluate the Evaluator
In some cases, you may disagree with constructive criticism. Collecting feedback from multiple people can be a good idea. If more than one person has the same opinion, that puts the validity into the information, says Molinsky.
“You don’t want to rely on a single person for negative feedback or even for positive feedback,” he says. “Someone could have a particular agenda. If your goal is to produce the best thing or improve your skills over time, it’s best to get a bunch of people’s input.”
Consult your pod—find trusted advisers, colleagues, and friends and show them the feedback, says Murphy. “Let them help you see what actions you can take and what resources you might need to ask for to respond and improve,” she says. “Also, work with them to figure out how to maximize the learning you can take from the feedback you received.”
4. Be Thankful
If the feedback is critical, put yourself in the giver’s shoes, suggests Molinsky. “It doesn’t feel good to receive feedback, but it’s also not easy to give it,” he says. “The person might be stepping outside their comfort zone. They might be doing you a real favor and it might be hard for them to do. It’s good practice to say ‘thank you.’”
Remember that growth and development is a continuous process not a fixed status or outcome, says Murphy. “It requires feedback so that we can learn where we are at the moment, and how we can improve going forward,” she says. “Constructive feedback is a gift to your development.”
