Leaders are often expected to control emotions, embody assertiveness, detachment, and autonomy, and be results-driven and resilient in highly stressful situations. However, this approach sometimes overlooks the emotional aspect of being human.
There appears to be an unwritten rule when you enter the workplace: Personal issues and emotional sharing should be left behind. This necessitates compartmentalization, where individuals become two separate personas: composed, detached, and confident at work and another entirely different one at home.
Everyone experiences negative emotions and has bad days. However, it’s often assumed that leaders should control emotions and not let these feelings affect their work, which can negatively impact team members’ productivity and morale. Consequently, many tend to keep their feelings to themselves, ultimately harming their mental and emotional health.
Research suggests leaders who share feelings and show vulnerability build trust, foster strong relationships, and improve productivity. This doesn’t mean becoming overly emotional. Instead, it’s distinguishing between undersharing and oversharing by demonstrating selective vulnerability.
Introduce emotions without appearing vulnerable and weak
The first step is to enhance everyone’s emotional intelligence and resilience. Over the past 15 years, a simple yet effective language called emotional resilience (ER) has been developed to achieve this goal, creating a balance between undersharing and oversharing.
ER becomes a common language utilized at work and home, eliminating the need to change personas and suppress emotions upon entering the workplace. It teaches individuals to identify, control, and express themselves in an objective, safe, and dignified manner.
Change language to remove judgment and make emotions more objective
The ER language eliminates judgment and stigma by replacing the notion of good and bad emotions, people, and circumstances with smooth and rough roads. “I’m having a rough day,” “You made a rough choice,” or “They’re a rough client” is far less judgmental than labelling everything as “bad.”
Understanding that both types of emotional roads serve a purpose is crucial. Rough roads help build resilience and increase coping skills, while smooth roads contribute to emotional well-being.
Leaders no longer need to ensure they and their team are always on a smooth road. Instead, it’s about balancing the two without judgment. Recognizing that experiencing rough emotions is not a failure but an opportunity to build resilience creates a safe environment for all emotional responses.
Leaders have reported that using this language makes conveying feelings easier and more honest during difficult conversations, as individuals no longer fear being judged or have to pretend that they’re coping. “What road are you on?” is less confronting and more straightforward than “How are you feeling?” Stating “I’m on a rough road” is less vulnerable than “I’m having a bad day.” This approach fosters objectivity, minimizes defensive responses, and encourages open communication.
Understand the consequences of losing and regaining emotional control
Inevitably, there will be instances where either you or a team member loses control. But how do you learn to regain control if you never lose it? This is a fundamental aspect of understanding and cultivating emotional resilience. However, it is important to recognize that emotional resilience cannot be nurtured when emotions remain out of control.
The brain’s amygdala is triggered during emotional stress, activating the fight, flight, or freeze response. Simultaneously, this activation suppresses the prefrontal cortex responsible for rational thought and creative problem-solving. Consequently, individuals cannot think clearly or respond constructively to situations when out of control.
In such scenarios, productive dialogue becomes nearly impossible until individuals regain control and re-engage their prefrontal cortex. This involves recognizing the signs of losing control and allowing oneself or others the necessary space and time to regain composure without judgment before addressing the issue.
Simply identifying which road you are on can help re-engage the prefrontal cortex. Doing so mitigates the risk of continued emotional outbursts and irrational thinking, which may cause harm to oneself, others, or the situation itself. It’s important to realize that being out of control doesn’t always appear loud and aggressive. It can also be quiet and timid.
Create a supportive and productive work environment
Regaining control is not just beneficial, it’s essential for fostering productive discussions and preserving emotional well-being. By understanding and acknowledging the importance of regaining control, individuals can navigate challenging situations more effectively, ensuring that emotions do not derail productivity and affect the team dynamic.
Emotional resilience teaches a language that reduces judgment and stigma, enabling better emotional communication and control at work and home. Through ER, individuals can effectively navigate their emotions, fostering a supportive work environment where feelings are expressed objectively and personal challenges are acknowledged and addressed constructively.
