What makes some people instantly likable? How can you make people want to be around you, to work with you, and follow your leadership? You may think it comes down to charisma that some people have and others don’t. In fact, there’s a simple habit that will make you instantly more likable. It’s the secret behind “magnetism,” according to Emma Seppälä, lecturer at the Yale School of Management and author of The Happiness Track. In a piece for Psychology Today, she cites research showing that “positive practices“—small moments of gratitude and caring toward other people—can turn you into one of those magnetic people others find irresistible.
Showing genuine interest in others is one great example of a positive practice, Seppälä writes. That holds true whether it’s “the person at the cash register, your co-worker, your roommate, or your family. Sounds obvious (and even boring), but too often we’re too wrapped up in our own concerns and stresses to take notice of others.”
Another positive practice is reminding yourself when someone seems inconsiderate or unfriendly that they may have a backstory that casts a different light on their behavior. “When you are genuinely curious, attentive, and kind when you interact with others, you can shift that entire person’s day, strengthen your relationship with them, and both of you will feel better after your interaction,” she writes.
Positive emotions are contagious
Why do small changes like these make such a big difference? Emotions are contagious, both good and bad, as multiple studies have shown. If you’re feeling stressed and you act grumpy, you’ll inspire other people to do the same. The reverse is also true. “Positive emotions bring out the best in us,” Seppälä writes. “They help us think more clearly, connect better, and become more creative. When we feel emotionally safe, we’re more open and engaged. We naturally connect with others more easily. Our relationships improve.”
Seppälä has several suggestions for positive practices that can make a huge difference in how likable you are. It’s well worth reading her entire article. But one really stood out for me, perhaps because it’s something I need to do more often myself. It’s what she calls “tiny rituals of care.”
“This could be texting a friend every Monday to check in, writing a quick thank-you note, or ending the day with a few minutes of conversation on the phone with a relative who lives alone,” she writes. Turning these small gestures into a habit, something you do regularly without thinking and that always fits into your schedule, is a very powerful way to harness the power of positivity. It can make you more likable, improve your relationships, and lift your own mood all at the same time.
There’s a growing audience of Inc.com readers who receive a daily text from me with a self-care or motivational micro-challenge or tip. Often, they text me back and we wind up in a conversation. (Want to know more? It’s easy to try it out and you can easily cancel anytime. Here’s some information about the texts and a special invitation to a two-month free trial.) Many of my subscribers are entrepreneurs or business leaders. They know what an asset it is to have people like you and feel drawn to you. Should you give positive practices a try?
—Minda Zetlin
This article originally appeared on Fast Company’s sister publication, Inc.
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