The tension between caregiving obligations and work responsibilities is often framed as a women’s issue. But it’s not just working mothers who find themselves in a bind: Plenty of men say they not only value caregiving but want to do more of it. So what’s holding them back?
A new report from the Better Life Lab at the think tank New America—which publishes research on workplace equity and family policy—indicates that men face some of the same hurdles that working women do, from limited flexibility or autonomy to a lack of structural support.
Compared to 2019, men are taking more time off from work or reducing their work hours due to caregiving responsibilities, especially those who earn less or have children with special needs. At the same time, they continue to grapple with the kind of cultural stigma that can keep them from taking paid leave even when they’re entitled to it.
The report’s findings suggest that many men actually want to spend more time on caregiving: In fact, a surprising number of fathers—six in ten—expressed an interest in staying home full-time. Men who helped care for adults or children with special needs were even more interested in being home. Over two-thirds of the men surveyed claim to think caregiving is as important as paid work, and that both parents should contribute equally. But the reality is quite different: Only about 40% of respondents who are caregivers and parents said they actually split those responsibilities equally.
There are a number of potential explanations for this disparity. Over a quarter of dads said there are barriers to being the kind of parent they want to be, from their job to their financial situation; male caregivers of adults or children with special needs reported feeling this at similar rates. Men with higher-paying jobs—earning over $100,000—were even more likely to report experiencing those barriers.
As the Better Life Lab points out, however, the data seems to suggest that men are actually underreporting the extent to which work obligations actually impact their ability to show up as a parent or caregiver.
A third of fathers said they have “no control” over their schedules; when men reported having more control over their hours, that usually meant they couldn’t dictate which days they worked, and vice versa. The majority of parents and caregivers—74%—said they would prefer to work remotely or with a hybrid arrangement if they could, but only 40% of them currently do. Whether they were parents or caregivers, only about a fifth of respondents expressed a desire to work out of an office (though men are more likely to have a preference for the office.) Nearly two-thirds of fathers also said work obligations interfered with their family time.
Perhaps the most interesting data point is that men are missing work or slashing their work hours at higher rates—a sign that men may be facing the same pressures that women have for many years. Among men who care for adults or children with special needs, the share who missed work due to care obligations rose from 64% in 2019 to 76% as of this year. About half of men also reported cutting back on their work hours, up from 42% in 2019.
As Fast Company reported recently, there has also been a noticeable shift in how men take time off when they become parents. Men are finally taking more parental leave, in part due to the rise of paid leave policies at the state level. Until recently, the data indicated that men took little time off, maybe a week at most, and often through some combination of sick days or vacation days or unpaid time off.
But recent research shows that dads are filing just as many leave claims as moms in states like California, Colorado, and Washington, which have robust paid leave programs. In states that have had these programs for many years, leave claims from men have only increased, while states that introduced paid leave more recently have seen higher uptake from the start.
In other words, it seems clear that when men have good access to paid leave, they’re more likely to take it—a pattern that also lines up with the Better Life Lab’s findings on how workplace culture can shape the caregiver experience. When fathers took leave, they overwhelmingly cited a supportive workplace as a reason (72%); many also pointed to a paid leave policy through their employer or state policy (63%).
Still, even as men say they want to be more present, it is still women who bear the greatest burden of caregiving strain. Women are more likely to sacrifice their careers due to caregiving responsibilities, and this happens at higher rates when they are mothers. As the report’s findings suggest, women are also more quick to self-identify as caregivers and place more value on care work.
While the culture around caregiving has shifted to some degree—especially with more men now taking leave and stepping up to care for aging parents—it’s clear that both men and women aren’t happy with the status quo.
