As they become the dominant adults in society, millennials are interacting with nonprofits and causes totally differently than their predecessors.
Golf, chain restaurants, American cheese, and in-person conversations—that’s just the super short list of things millennials have been accused of ruining. Now there’s another entire sector to add to that list: traditional philanthropy. A decade of research now shows that this generation—which now represents the largest group of adults—wants to help humanity and save the planet in ways that are far different from those inspired during the age of dial-up internet or rotary landlines. Given how many problems humanity has been unable to solve, that might be a very good thing.
If you’re looking to advance in your career, thinking about the way you communicate is a good place to start. After all, it’s a skill that’s always in demand and goes a long way toward shaping others’ perceptions of you.
But a handful of irritating—and common—words and phrases can undermine your hard work. “Words are powerful things, and some words and phrases can really have a negative kind of energy,” says communication coach Alan Samuel Cohen, author of The Connection Challenge: How Executives Create Power and Possibility in the Age of Distraction. At best, such phrases are distracting. In the worst-case scenario, they can actually trigger a strong negative reaction in your counterpart, either to the conversation or to you.
While it’s impossible to police every word you say—and people are going to hear what they’re going to hear, Cohen says—there are better options to consider.
“But”
Whenever you use the word “but” as a conjunction, the first part of your sentence immediately becomes qualified by the second part. Saying “I love you, but . . .” or “That’s a great idea, but . . . ” calls the first phrase into question, says leadership and career coach Jennifer McKay, founder of Mckay Coaching and Consulting. “In the second half of the sentence we’ve already moved on to something contrary,” she says.
Say it better: Simply stop after the statement. If you must add a conjunction and second phrase, use “and.” For example, “That’s a great idea, and we can look at it more closely.”
“This might be stupid/silly”
When you use self-deprecating language before you put forth your ideas, you’re immediately diluting others’ confidence in you and giving them permission to dismiss you, says Ellie Eckhoff, senior vice president at ClearRock, a leadership-development and executive-coaching firm.
“Some people might start with, ‘This might not be a good idea, maybe we’ve already done this, this might not work,’” she says. “So, starting the conversation with minimizing what they’re going to offer.”
Say it better: Simply state your idea without qualifying it. You’ll be more valued for your contributions.
“Respectfully”
If you have to qualify your statement with “respectfully” or “with all due respect,” what follows isn’t likely to be respectful and often won’t be productive, says Toni Harrison, CEO and founder of Etched Communication, a public-relations and communications firm. And even if what you’re going to say is respectful, you’ve introduced the concept that it isn’t. “Why would I think you’re about to say something to disrespect me in a conversation?” she says.
Cohen agrees and says the same goes for the word “honestly.”
Say it better: If you’re reacting out of anger, take a moment to collect your thoughts to respond appropriately. You can argue your point without a disingenuous lead-in. Otherwise, drop the reference to “respect” entirely and just say what you have to say.
“I’m so busy”
When you respond to “How are you?” with “I’m so busy,” you may make people reluctant to continue the conversation because they may think they’re taking up time you don’t have, McKay says. Or others may feel that you are positioning yourself as more important than they are. “‘Busy’ has become a way of life for many people, and some of my clients have expressed frustration when colleagues go on about the demands on their time,” she says.
Say it better: If you’re strapped for time in the moment, say so. For example, “I’d love to chat, but I have a meeting in five minutes. Could we catch up at 2 p.m.?” If you are overwhelmed, you may wish to confide in a trusted friend or colleague to help find solutions. But it’s rarely a good idea to just respond with a general “I’m busy,” as there’s little anyone can do about that except you.
“Try”
When people work together to complete projects or tasks, it’s essential to know who is working on what, McKay says. “When someone says they will try to complete something, it leaves the requester with doubts about the person’s commitment level to the task and whether the need will ultimately be met,” she says.
In other instances, if you ask someone to “try,” you may seem as if you’re calling their capabilities into question, she says. For example, “Try to understand” sounds like the speaker doesn’t believe the receiver is capable of understanding.
Say it better: If you’re not convinced you can complete a task, give specifics about the challenges or concerns. That can help you get the clarity, assistance, or resources you need. When you’re addressing someone else and asking them to try, ask a question instead.” For example, “Do you have questions?” is better than “Try to understand.”
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Today, one of the most common questions industry professionals ask themselves (or get asked) is how they plan to build themselves into a “brand.”
10 years ago, this question didn’t even exist.
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When you’re on the job hunt, be prepared when a prospective employer asks you to record a one-way video. While a phone interview has traditionally been the first step in the hiring process, more businesses—from Fortune 500 companies to tech startups to talent agencies—are short-listing candidates via a one-way video screen. “This is rapidly becoming the new standard,” says Kurt Heikkinen, CEO of Montage/Shaker International, a recruiting technology solution.
The trend makes sense from the recruitment side, especially for high-tech and communications positions, where digital fluency is a must. A request for a one-way video interview—where you record yourself answering a set of questions—will typically be sent to you after HR has reviewed your written materials and is interested to learn more. It saves time and costs for HR staff, who do not have to schedule individual appointments with a high volume of applicants.
On the candidate side, a one-way video screen allows you flexibility on when and where you conduct the interview, especially if you are currently employed and can’t schedule a phone call or a two-way video interview during the workday. But for some candidates, being asked to submit a one-way video can feel impersonal, or even awkward. These tips will help you get it right:
Maintain eye contact and smile
HR staff want to see the same qualities from you as they would in a phone interview or face-to-face conversation, like charisma and professionalism. “Pretend you can see the person on the other side talking to you, and make the same amount of eye contact as you would when talking to someone you can see,” says business coach Stacy Caprio.
If you are not used to being in front of a camera, conveying authenticity can be a huge challenge, says body language expert and interview coach Patti Wood. Typically, when people communicate, they naturally adapt to each other to gain rapport, a process Wood describes as “matching and mirroring.” Wood says that learning how to match and mirror the actual recording software—for example, adapting to different image resolutions, time delays, and volume—is key to getting comfortable on camera. She suggests recording yourself with several different types of video interview software available online in preparation. Wood also recommends lifting your mood by playing upbeat music as you rehearse. Review your recording to see your own posture, body language, and level of eye contact.
Practice, but don’t sound rehearsed
Understand the parameters of the interview before it begins. “I would ask the employer, ‘How will this be used?’ and ‘What is the benefit to me of being able to participate?’” says Heikkinen, who believes that employers who care about their brand and recruitment experience will be transparent about their process. Some companies may send you a list of questions, while others may send you a prerecorded video of an HR representative asking you questions. Some one-way video screens may allow you to erase and record your answers, while others will allow you to answer a few practice questions before recording your answers, which cannot be edited.
“A common mistake I have seen with candidates is how they try to be ‘right’ in their responses by reading their pre-written notes,” says Chris Chancey, founder of the staffing company Amplio Recruiting. “Candidates who have made an impression on me were confident in the way they answered their questions. You could see they had thought about their responses in detail but did not limit themselves to a script.”
Set the stage
Prepare for your one-way video screen as you would for a regular job interview. If you are recording the video from home, it might be tempting for you to speak casually from your bedroom. But Stefan Midford, president and CEO of retail job-matching platform Capango, says that due to the volume of candidates recruiters are reviewing, they will “often make snap judgments in seconds.” Midford advises that you make a professional first impression by making sure “everything visible in the frame looks tidy, the environment is quiet,” and that you are dressed professionally. If you are a strong candidate, recruiters will often watch your video interview multiple times.
Push back when needed
Vet your prospective employers carefully, and only submit one-way video interviews for the opportunities that are right for you. “It’s important for the firm to get a good sense of the candidate but also for the candidate to get a sense of the firm,” says Christina Warner, a healthcare marketer at a top Fortune 500 company. Warner says that during her MBA program, she had about five one-way video interviews. “I found myself feeling warmer towards firms that had a phone call, or a two-way video call for the screening,” she says.
One-way video interviews also come with drawbacks for candidates, says Keirsten Greggs, founder of TRAP Recruiter. “There is no opportunity for follow-up questions, and there’s no way to really gauge via body language how you’re doing and if any adjustments need to be made,” she says.
Michael Tuso, director of revenue performance and a hiring lead at Chili Piper, says that because the tech firm is fully remote, he extensively uses video interviews. From the hundreds of video screens he has requested, a few candidates asked for a phone interview instead. “It’s not a deal breaker for us,” he says.
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