Everyone’s heard stories of bad bosses, or maybe even experienced one themselves. Having a bad boss can cause a negative workplace environment, impact self-esteem, cause a reduction in emotional and physical wellbeing and cause burnout.
Having a bad boss might tempt you to quit and find a new job with a better boss, even if you like your current job. So before you make any decision try these steps to survive a bad boss.
How to identify a bad boss
There are many different types of toxic bosses but in order to take action to make your own work experience better you need to be able to identify a toxic boss. They can demonstrate a range of bad behavior, some being bad communicators and others being too demanding.Some might be arrogant and micromanaging and others might be aloof.
It’s likely that “toxic bosses” have been called out more in recent years as the expectations for bosses and managers has risen, explained Kari Atkinson, vice president of people and culture at ManpowerGroup, to Tracy Brower, a writer for Fast Company.
Another reason as to why someone might be a bad boss is simply because they were not properly prepared for this type of position. They often don’t get adequate training or support before being promoted to these positions.
Regardless of their toxic traits there is probably a reason they are acting this way and there is a way to deal with it.
How to deal with a bad boss
The most important thing to remember is you control how you let a toxic boss affect you. You control your thoughts and actions and therefore you control if a toxic boss affects your self-esteem.
Tracy Christopherson, leadership coach and coauthor of Polarity Intelligence offered a helpful perspective to a Fast Company writer. “A core principle of a healthy relationship is the balance of the relationship between self and others to achieve a shared purpose,” she says. “The only person you have any control over in the relationship is you.”
It’s important to know what you can and can’t control. “You can begin by evaluating how you are showing up in the relationship and set your intention to be your best self regardless of how your boss shows up,” she said. “Over-focusing on your boss’s behavior can take a toll on your mental and physical health, so be sure you’re taking care of yourself by engaging in activities that reduce stress and promote well-being.”
But there are many different types of bad bosses so there are many different ways one might approach handling it. Fast Company Deputy Editor, Kathleen Davis, gives insight on how to deal with four types of toxic bosses.
Micromanaging boss: There are a few ways a micromanaging boss can be dealt with. The first way is by suggesting weekly check-ins so they don’t feel the need to constantly be patrolling you.
At these check-ins it’s important to outline what the expectations are for the short-term and the long-term.
Absentee boss: On the other side of the spectrum there can be bosses that are never around. These bosses can be equally annoying and harmful.
“A critical part of advancing in your career or getting a promotion is receiving feedback and when you don’t receive any you don’t know what to improve,” explained Davis.
Luckily there are ways you can fix this problem.
- Just like with a micromanaging boss, it is equally important with an absent boss to set up check-ins to ensure you are getting the feedback that you need.
- Make a list of all the most important things you need to talk to your boss about and ask them all at one meeting with your boss if they always appear too busy to meet.
- Ask them how they would like you to best reach them in a time where you need feedback.
Withholder: It can be tough to give or recieve negative feedback, but that feedback is crucial to continued growth in one’s career. It is important for managers to share feedback before the problem gets too big or potentially hurts an employee’s career.
Toxic jerk: There is a fine line between dealing with a toxic jerk of a boss and leaving to find a new job.
There are definitely ways to stay and handle a toxic jerk boss. “Depending on the behavior you can identify their triggers, and preemptively prepare for them,” explained Davis. “For example if they give you vague instructions, yet expect you to know exactly what they want. You can ask them something like, ‘I know that it bothers you when you get a report that doesn’t analyze these things in detail. Can I run a few questions by you to make sure that I’m focusing on the right things?’”
But if a boss crosses a line you can always take your complaint to HR, ask to switch teams, or start to look for a new job.
How to do good work with a bad boss
Sometimes your boss is not exactly your ideal person. But humans are not perfect, so there is no reason to let this hold you back and still accomplish good quality work.
Take ownership: You have the ability to influence your relationship with your boss and how the future goes. Excelling in the workplace and being above standard can premptively stop negative feedback. Is your boss hypercritical, don’t give them anything they can critize. If your boss acts poorly, don’t stoop to their level.
Creating an open relationship with your boss can create an environment where you can also give them feedback. This is usually well received as many leaders appreciate helpful insight.
“By being transparent, you’ll set the stage for a relationship between equals—where you respect your boss and they respect you,” explained Tracy Brower, a freelancer at Fast Company.
Futhermore, confience is in fact key. When someone is knocking you down, stand up for yourself and be a voice for yourself.
Give your boss the benefit of the doubt: Bosses are human just like you. Which means bosses have other things going on than just you. It’s likely the cause of your boss’s behavior stems from something else happening in their lives. They might now even be aware of how what they are doing is affecting others.
This also means to take the opportunity to show your boss appreciation. “A recent study found that when leaders feel more appreciated, they tend to feel greater levels of energy, well-being, optimism, and life satisfaction,” explained Bower. “All of this translates into helping others and creating the conditions for a more positive work experience. Focus on little things about which to be grateful.”
Manage your expectations: Your boss won’t always give you exactly what you’re looking for. Whether it’s validation and recognition or communication and time, it’s important to manage your expectations and understand the boss can’t do it all.
Appreciate what your boss can give you and find fullfillment of those other needs elsewhere. Having a network of colleagues and a mentor in your work environment can help you get that guidance and supervision that your boss isn’t able to provide.
Absorb as much as you can: Even on the occasion your boss doesn’t provide you the support and management that you need, it is important to take even this challenging situation as a learning opportunity.
Just like you learn from your parents in how you do and don’t want to raise your kids, you can learn from your boss in how you do and don’t want to act when you rise to that rank. What behaviors do you want to emmulate and which negatively impacted you.
It can also be an opportunity to learn how to manage your emotions in tough environments. The worst experiences can be some of the best learning opportunities.
How to set boundaries with a bad boss
No one wants to work in a place where they are direspected or aren’t feeling supported. Even with the worst of bosses, there are steps you can take to set some boundaries and improve your work environment.
Understand your bosses style: This goes hand and hand with giving your boss the benefit of the doubt. Understanding their actions and where it stems from can help you better set proper boundaries.
“Why is he or she doing this?” said Manfred Kets de Vries, distinguished clinical professor of leadership development and organizational change at the French business school INSEAD, to a writer at Fast Company. “Sometimes, there’s a triggering effect, such as someone above them putting pressure on the person. Understanding your boss’s situation may help you discover that they’re not as difficult as you thought.”
They could also be a toxic boss because it is a part of their personalities. It’s the classic example of current bullies were once bullied themselves.
Kevin Rockmann, professor of management at Costello College of Business at George Mason University, likes to define a boss’s “flavor of toxic.” For example, a gossipy boss may have the underlying need for social connection. But each “flavor of toxic” needs different types of boundaries.
Know your own boundaries: Before you can set boundaries with your boss you have to know what you’re willing to put up with.
“For example, you may have a fixed boundary that says you won’t work weekends. However, you may have a negotiable boundary that says you’re open to working overtime on occasion,” explained Stephanie Vozza, freelancer at Fast Company. “Knowing when you’re willing to make an exception will help you secure your boundaries.”
Protect your boundaries: Setting boundaries is one thing, but the way you react when one of your boundaries is broken will set a precedent for the future.
If a boss crosses a boundary, career coach Sara Lobkovich, recommends saying something along these lines: “This is a hard boundary for me, and it’s not negotiable. I think we can resolve this by [proposed solution]. Would that be agreeable to you?”
Regulate your own emotions: The best thing to do in any situation is not engage in toxic behaviors. That means no matter how your boss responds to what you say, keep yourself calm and composed.
“If the conversation turns harmful or abusive, remove yourself from the situation,” says Lobkovich. “In the absence of harm or abuse, you don’t have to take your conversation partner’s bait if their emotional regulation fails.”
Get support: First use trusted friends, family, or partners as a support system. These are people that can give you helpful advice and support you to hold your own.
If the problems ensue then it could be time to take your problem to HR. Document the behaviors your boss has been doing that negatively affects you and how it negatively affects you.
“Collect and share detailed records you have kept about your boss’s dysfunctional behavior with HR,” Kets de Vries. “When having this discussion, highlight the problems but also offer concrete and constructive suggestions to improve the situation.”
How to stop being a bad boss
If you’re a boss and feel you fall under one of these bad boss qualities you can still change. Bosses are bad because they are not taking the time to coach their team, instead they may be micromanaging or doing the exact opposite, neither of which are good for workplace success.
Question asking: Instead of telling an employee to do something, try asking questions. “A great coach asks open questions beginning with what, when, how, who, where, and why, as well as TED: Tell, Explain, and Describe,” explained Charlotte Blair, a freelancer for Fast Company. “They empower team members to take ownership, work efficiently, and innovate, fostering shared accountability through regular, open conversation.”
Following the questions, being a good listener and listening to the answers and using them to guide the conversation can help empower and engage employees.
Clear expectations: According to Gallup only about half of their workers in their international database are clear about what they should do at work. A good boss will consistently communicate expectations. This will help to build employee engagement and abilities.
Focus on strengths: Taking advantage of employee strengths will help to give employees greater satisfaction and will contribute to a more successful and productive work environment.
A resource that can be used for bosses and team members to discover their strengths is Clifton Strength assessment.
Feeback and recognition: Alongside asking questions and keeping employees engaged is also recognizing them when they’ve done good work. But also doing so in a timely manner.
Check-in: There is a difference between checking in and checking up on employees. Bosses that are always checking up on their team can cause a lack of trust and disempower. Instead a good boss can ask questions such as: What can I do to support you best? And How ofter should we chat about your progress?
All of these skills take time to learn and put into practice, but by devoting time to it, you can be a great boss in no-time.
Either way, if you’re a bad boss or you’re experiencing a bad boss, there is something that can be done to help improve your work environment. It won’t happened right away and it won’t always be easy, but by putting yourself first and taking time to prioritize your needs and your boss/employees needs, it can go from a bad to a good work environment in no-time.
