Have you had work discussions and felt the recipient focused more on the emotions accompanying your words than what you said? If so, tone policing might have reduced your message’s effectiveness and the listener’s receptivity.
Tone policing occurs when people emphasize the unpleasant emotions or incivility that might come with someone’s message, which effectively dilutes what they say. Some individuals unconsciously perpetuate tone policing because speakers’ deliveries make them uncomfortable.
For example, a person may insist, “There’s no need to get so upset,” as someone frustratedly describes how defeated they feel dealing with frequent microaggressions related to their gender or skin color. These kinds of responses can discourage the speaker from continuing their discussion, because they believe that a person listening will not understand or care enough.
Why leaders need to manage tone policing
One reason leaders must recognize and curb tone policing is that it makes people feel unsupported and unwilling to mention problems. One 2023 study of Black workers in the United States found that they were more likely to rate their mental health as fair or poor.
Additionally, they were less likely to categorize their workplaces as having empathetic leaders and inclusive environments to discuss mental health. As a result, they reported difficulties in bringing up this topic and were likelier than their white peers to have negative interactions that worsened their mental well-being.
Another study of U.S. and Canadian workers published in 2024 revealed that most employees want to have tough conversations about sensitive topics at work. However, one-third of respondents feel uncomfortable bringing them up with managers.
Millennials and Gen Z workers were also nearly twice as likely as older generations to want their companies to engage in world events publicly. Many view it as necessary to speak up rather than stay silent, especially given the platforms that many companies have. Although leaders may believe no response is the least offensive strategy, it speaks volumes.
Leaders who don’t manage tone policing might believe that they’ve tackled most discrimination. However, C-suites are 90% white men. Plus, many women and minorities are underrepresented in meetings. Even without experiencing active discrimination, people may feel it is unsafe to talk about the things that matter to them and negatively affect their lives.
Topics such as racism, ableism, and sexism have severe and life-altering consequences. It’s unrealistic to expect people to maintain cheerful attitudes and unwaveringly civil tones when they’re talking about something that has actively harmed them. Emotions and raised voices disrupt the lighthearted environment many leaders want, but they are often necessary to give messages their power.
How workplaces can reduce tone policing
A 2024 survey showed that 57% of organizations broadened their diversity, equity, and inclusion commitments. That’s a positive statistic, but it doesn’t mean these workplaces have minimized tone policing.
A good first step in combating it is to realize conversations can take many forms and still be productive. Someone could use tone policing by saying, “It would be easier to listen to your views if you delivered them calmly.” This comment suggests that people need to stay things in a specific way to have an impact, even though that isn’t true.
The same goes for body language—which many people connect to tone. One woman recalled someone telling her she should have smiled when giving a manager feedback. They felt her expression would have improved its reception. When workers feel they must constantly monitor how they sound and look when saying anything, they will probably determine that it’s easiest to stay quiet.
Rather than engage in tone policing, leaders should direct their attention on active listening. Encouraging self-reflection during the urge to invalidate someone’s emotions or tone can also help people learn whether something internally causes that reaction. If so, that is a sign working on themselves would be an important part of reducing tone policing.
Recognizing the worth and power of diverse voices
The world is not as clear-cut as it may have seemed when many of us were children. It’s full of ongoing injustices and inappropriate behaviors, including those affecting you or those at your workplace.
Various factors like disability, age, skin color, gender, religion, or ethnicity put people in minority groups. Underrepresentation makes them feel it is unsafe to speak up about these characteristics, even if they feel targeted because of them. They might believe that the best way forward is to stay silent. Some even feel their jobs are at risk if they speak up because managers will view them as problematic or negative.
However, that chilling effect silences people with insightful perspectives and the lived experiences to support them. Creating a nurturing environment for workers to speak freely and fearlessly helps them be authentic. That allows their knowledge and insights to become part of the discussion, which urges those in positions of power to make meaningful, inclusive changes that benefit everyone.
