At some point, someone at work is going to upset you. It might be a supervisor who doesn’t support a project that you’re passionate about. Or it might be a colleague who undermines your work or takes credit for something you did. Or perhaps it’s a client or customer who treats you rudely.
When that frustration and anger wells up, it’s natural to want to release it. Indeed, one of the most pervasive metaphors for anger and frustration in English would support that activity.
As George Lakoff and Mark Johnson pointed out, we often talk about anger and frustration as if they reflect heated fluid in a container. We say things like, “the pressure built up inside of me,” or “I got really heated up,” or “I finally blew my top.” All of this reflects a hydraulic view of the way the mind works, in which extended anger or frustration eventually leads to an explosion of emotion.
Given this metaphor, venting your anger at work makes a lot of sense. After all, you’re doing something to release the pressure in a safe way that ensures you don’t have a more violent reaction.
As sensible as this seems, there are three reasons why it is a bad idea.
It rehearses a bad story
A common way of venting is to write out your side of the story. Indeed, people often say that you should write out the source of your anger and then burn the note (or delete the email). Indeed, there is good evidence that when you have experienced a truly traumatic episode, writing about it helps you to come to terms with the event and leads to real physical and mental health benefits.
But, simply telling a story about your anger and frustration is different. When you write that story out, you often focus on the reasons why someone else’s actions were wrong, as well as that person’s flaws. You arrive at this story, because there is a tendency for people to focus on other people’s actions and to assume they take those actions because of an aspect of who they are. As a result, you often ignore the influence of the situation on someone else’s behavior.
This approach is problematic, because if you come to believe that someone else has ill-intent, then it can be hard to deal with them effectively in the future. If you recognize the variety of factors that have led to their actions, it helps you to plan more effectively to get better outcomes in the future.
You might be tempted to tell that story
A second problem with venting at work (particularly in writing) is that you might be tempted in the moment to take what you have written and send it to someone else. It’s important to remember that anger and frustration are emotions that drive action in the moment. You get a buildup of energy that you want to direct at something. Writing out your account of why you are right and someone (or everyone) is wrong is a way of using that energy.
Once you finish writing out that story—even if you intend to just delete it—you may feel like that story deserves to be told. In the moment, your evaluation of your action is likely to focus on the immediate benefit of the action. If you do blast out your side of the story, you will feel good in the moment and also feel like you have helped to tilt the tide of opinion toward yourself—and away from the source of your misery.
But, success at work requires playing a long game. When you’re frustrated, you are biased to do something to correct a problem in the short-term rather than focusing on what is best to do in the long-run. The best way to ensure that you do what is best in the long-term is to avoid venting.
It creates a bad habit
Perhaps the most important problem with venting, though, is that it creates a bad habit. It turns out that this hydraulic theory of anger and frustration is embedded in language, but it isn’t actually a good characterization of how anger and frustration work. Yes, you get energized when you’re angry and frustrated. But, you don’t need to dissipate that energy by directing toward the source of the anger.
Indeed, when you routinely vent, you are actually developing a habit to respond aggressively when faced with an anger-inducing situation. Yet, there are often better and healthier outlets for that energy. Engaging in calming techniques like deep breathing can help to calm your energy levels.
Thinking productively about why an event occurred and what the context was that may have led to a bad interaction can help you to recognize that another person may have been acting with good intentions, even if the outcome was bad for you. Going out for a walk or doing some exercise can also be a positive outlet for energy.
You have to develop your own strategies for addressing the energy you feel when angry or frustrated. But, even though venting may make you feel better in the moment, it is unlikely to be helpful for you in the long-run—both because you may end up thinking incorrectly about the situation and because it creates unhealthy habits for dealing with these negative emotions.
